Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers by Leslie Leyland Fields and Dr. Jill Hubbard

This book is co-written by a writer and a psychologist, with the writer narrating her own journey and that of a number of others and the psychologist adding each chapter’s afterword and study questions. This book covered its topics thoroughly, with a large fraction involving personal narrative, both biblical and personal, and I thought it could have used a lot more insight by the psychologist, as the individual stories were too long and the portion aimed at personal application too short. The book’s perspective left me dissatisfied, as it felt one-size-fits-all. Because the author linked forgiveness with an unending pursuit of relationship with a parent by the child, the few adult children who were said to let their parental relationship lapse were viewed as unforgiving. In my opinion, forgiveness and reconciliation were bound too closely together in this presentation of the topic of forgiveness, and not enough room was left for the Lord’s leading and working in an adult child. There are rare parents who not only offer nothing beneficial, and have no intention of doing so, but who, for the sake of their own egos, consume their children. Forgiving them and letting them go can be a healthy option. The book pushed hard on adult children to attend to their parents’ deathbeds, dedicating a couple of chapters to the topic, on the premise that such is an indication of honoring your parent. You can honor a parent without having to seek emotional or geographical closeness. To force an infirm parent by pressing for such a thing can actually be dishonoring. Sometimes God leads people to lay down the hope for a loving parent, which was never presented as an option in this book. The approach to forgiveness presented would be good for a person whose parent did not intentionally continue to hurt them, either by abuse or neglect. If there is goodwill on both sides, this brand of forgiveness is likely to work, but if abuse or neglect continue to be a strong component in a parent-child relationship, I would not recommend this book. I received this book for free in exchange for my unbiased review through the Thomas Nelson BookSneeze Program.